What is Child Support Supposed to Cover?
80Since the advent of child support, custodial and non-custodial parents have been arguing over what the money is supposed to cover. Unfortunately, many supporting parents are still under the misguided belief that child support is supposed to be used for groceries and clothes -- and that’s it. The truth is quite the opposite: child support is supposed to cover a wide range of expenses, including things like family outings and after-school sports. For those parents out there who believe they are paying too much in child support, perhaps you should consider exactly what your weekly payments need to cover.
Basic Needs
At a bare minimum, child support is supposed to cover the child’s basic needs -- and not just food and clothing. Child support is used to pay for groceries, clothes (including school and “play” clothes), shoes, and seasonal outwear (like winter coats and boots). It is also used to help pay for the mortgage or rent, the electric and utility bills, the telephone bill, and yes, even the cable and internet bill. That’s because your child needs a place to live, working electricity, running water, heat, and a way to contact emergency services if necessary. Your former spouse can also use your child support payments to help cover her car payment and insurance, especially if she uses the vehicle to drive your child back and forth to school, sports practice, friends’ houses and your place for visitation time. Your child is also entitled to basic entertainment, which includes cable television and access to the internet. Unless you are willing to permanently disconnect your cable and DSL connection, your child is equally entitled to have access to the same basic entertainment as you.
Education
After accounting for your child’s basic living expenses, child support is also supposed to cover the costs of your child’s educational needs. For children in private school, this means part or all of the tuition fees, required uniforms, shoes, textbooks and other supplies. For children in public school, this means school clothes, backpacks, notebooks, binders, pens and pencils, project supplies, lunch money and any other costs incurred for educational purposes. If your child needs tutoring or has special education needs, child support is supposed to cover those costs, as well.
Medical Care
Your child is entitled to at least basic medical care, which child support should cover. This is not limited to just the premiums for health and dental insurance, but also co-pays, prescriptions and emergency treatment. Even if you are already paying to provide your child with medical insurance, your child support payments should help cover the additional costs incurred for your child’s visits and treatments.
Child Care Expenses
If your child is still young and needs child care, then child support should cover the costs. If your former spouse is working and you are unavailable to watch the child, then she may use the child support to pay for daycare services, babysitters and other childcare expenses.
Entertainment
One of the biggest complaints that non-custodial parents cite is the use of child support for entertainment for the child. In fact, child support is supposed to cover entertainment, which includes trips to the movies, playgrounds, outings and other age-appropriate ventures. Your child has a right to enjoy at least the same standard of living as he did prior to you and your ex’s separation, and at least equal -- if not better -- than your standard of living.
Extracurricular Activities
Extracurricular activities include after-school or municipal sports programs, school clubs, summer camps and private activities outside of school. Child support should help pay for these costs, especially if your child was already participating in these activities prior to you and your former spouse’s separation. Even if your child was not previously active in extracurricular activities, she is still entitled to participate in age-appropriate endeavors if she so desires.
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"If you can justify in court that you are seeking to provide as much as you are able to for your kids then that should be responsible enough."
Supporting parents already have the opportunity to do exactly that. Most -- if not all -- states now utilize a support schedule to determine how much and how often both parents will contribute to their children's expenses. Parents experiencing 'financial catastrophe' through no fault of their own (by purposely taking a lower-paying job to avoid paying more support, for example) can already petition for a review of their economic status -- in fact, most states not only permit, but require parents to submit for a review of their status every single time there is a change to either parent's economic status, in addition to a mandated yearly review.
Beyond that, your child's needs should always come first. Consider, had you and your child's other parent were stayed together, you would make sacrifices to ensure the children were cared form first (else, perhaps there is a reason you aren't the custodial parent?); why would it be any different because you no longer live in the same house? When your finances are tight, you cut down some expenses -- downsize your home, your car, and your non-essential expenses -- so you can afford to provide your child with the support they need and deserve. Your child comes first, no matter what, regardless of the financial difficulty in which you may find yourself; they have an absolute right, and you have the absolute responsibility.
Does Child Support also help in the cost of a 16 year old car insurance since it's no longer needed for the parent to drive the child around?
Would you consider an order of under $7 a day bare mimimum?
Can I lower or stop my child support? The father does not have a job. I pay child support and that is the only source of income that they receive. The electric bill is always late he doesn't have a working phone because he doesn't pay that bill. My child has a cell phone however, he refuses to pay that bill. He hasn't paid for new clothing for him in years. I don't see where the money goes to. The father just had a baby with another woman and I feel as if the money I pay is used to support his other child.
"Does Child Support also help in the cost of a 16 year old car insurance since it's no longer needed for the parent to drive the child around?"
Teresa, it can be used to help cover the costs of your teenager's car insurance premiums, absolutely. You can use some of the money you receive to pay the insurance bill without doing anything wrong.
However, don't expect an increase in your child support payments simply because your child is now driving -- the non-custodial parent's support payments do not concurrently increase with the amount of your expenses. If the non-custodial parent has taken a higher-paying job, or recently received a raise at work, then you can petition the court for a modification in the current support schedule. If not, you might consider contacting your child's other parent and asking him or her to go 50/50 with you on your child's insurance premiums -- the worst that could happen is he or she will say no!
"Would you consider an order of under $7 a day bare [minimum]?"
Melinda, there is no "bare minimum" when considering the amount of child support payments -- there is only a "bare minimum" when determining how those funds should be used.
$7 a day does sound pretty meager when you state it that way, but when you calculate your payments for the month, you'll see you receive about $215 a month. Believe it or not, this is a pretty typical monthly payment for a working-class parent supporting one child. Compared to the national average monthly support payment for one child -- approximately $228 per month -- you're receiving only $13 less a month, which puts you right on par. In contrast, the average monthly payment for one child living in Montana is just $108 per month!
Remember, child support payments are calculated based on BOTH your income and the supporting parent's income. The supporting parent can only pay what he can afford while still living at the poverty level; the court can't force him to go homeless and hungry, it wouldn't be fair. Likewise, if you earn enough to comfortably cover your child's expenses, or you have other assets from investments, trust funds or other sources, it's not unreasonable for the courts to look at you as the primary source of income. Consider if you and your child's other parent were married: would you be the primary breadwinner, covering most of the household expenses? If so, then you should also be covering most of your child's expenses now, as well.
I know it's hard to understand the law's perspective, especially if you're struggling to make ends meet, but the law is as fair as it can possibly be to all involved parties. What matters most is that your child has a safe, warm place to live, nutritional food to eat and clothes on his or her back. As long as your child's basic needs are being met, then the legal system has done it's job. Good luck!
"Can I lower or stop my child support? The father does not have a job. I pay child support and that is the only source of income that they receive. The electric bill is always late he doesn't have a working phone because he doesn't pay that bill. My child has a cell phone however, he refuses to pay that bill. He hasn't paid for new clothing for him in years. I don't see where the money goes to. The father just had a baby with another woman and I feel as if the money I pay is used to support his other child."
Sam, no, you cannot lower or terminate your obligation to pay child support simply because your child's father is not currently employed. In fact, it is now more important than ever that you continue to pay child support, especially if it truly is the father's only source of income to care for your child!
How and when the father chooses to pay the bills (or chooses not to) should not be your concern -- it is up to the father and his partner to manage their own financial obligations. You also shouldn't worry about the father's personal life -- he is free to date other women and start a new family with someone else, even if you do not necessarily approve.
Here are some things to consider: did the father work before you and he split up? Were you previously the primary breadwinner? If so, then you should expect to continue supporting your child now as you did (and would still be) if you and the father were still together. Additionally, you didn't mention whether the father was living with his new partner, or whether she worked -- if they do and she does, then perhaps she is the one supporting the family and covering the household expenses.
Remember, child support isn't just meant to cover expenses directly related to the child; it's meant to cover things like the mortgage or rent, utility bills and groceries for the household where the child resides. From what you said, it does sound like the father is appropriately using the money he receives for child support. New clothes aren't always necessary -- if your child has sufficient, season-appropriate, well-fitting clothing, then there isn't necessarily a need for brand-new clothing. Child support isn't meant to ensure your child is always in the newest, most fashionable clothing, and if you really want better clothing for your child, you can certainly buy additional clothes for your child on top of your child support payments -- you aren't violating any laws by providing more for your child than the court orders!
If you truly do suspect that the father is mismanaging his support payments, you can file a motion with the family court judge who initially entered the child support order and ask for a review of the father's spending habits. If the judge determines the father is mismanaging the support payments, he can order you to buy clothing and cover other expenses directly in lieu of making support payments, although the amount you spend must meet the amount you would have otherwise paid for support. Keep in mind that by doing this, the judge may determine that you aren't sufficiently supporting your child, and order you to pay more support to help cover the family expenses.
Above all else, please remember that it is most important that your child has a safe place to live than for you to bicker about how your ex manages his finances. Please keep your child's happiness and well-being in mind, and do not stop making child support payments -- especially in a time like this, where your child could likely end up homeless and hungry without your support -- unless a judge explicitly orders you to stop! Good luck!
Carrie, I appreciate all the advice. I guess I should have better explained my situation. The order is that my child receive a total of 210 per month. My Ex hasn't paid in 3 years (aside from his intercepted tax return) My child has a dissability and I cannot work... someone has to care for him. I do understand the laws but it does not seem right that my husband (my childs stepfather) is paying everything, including insurance, medication and medical bills. Meanwhile my Ex is doing all he can to keep from paying anything while driving a lexus. I cannot afford an attorney to do something about it because we are budgeted on 1 income. The 1 court date we did have he hired an attorney to get out of having to pay a "purge" payment. Spent money on a lawyer to keep from supporting his child. My childs medical costs run around 10,000 per year. I guess the reason I broke it down is because I don't think under 7 dollars a day even times 2 is enough to feed and clothe any child adequately.
My Ex does have visitation with our child so I cannot understand his lack of responsibility.
If you have any further advice it will be greatly appreciated.
Health expenses are extreme now. 10,000 a year is breaking. Does your child have cancer? It is hard during theses times. I have had to cut out all unnecessary expenses.Homeschooling children is hard and it does prevent work, atleast your child has you through this.
Sandy, My child has been diagnosed with a serious mental illnes and autism. We do not homeschool at this time. My child is in a special ed. School, but we are still having daily struggles that keep me home.
The Father does not stay involved in the treatments or school situation so I am left to deal with all of it.
It leaves very little opportunity for work as my husband already works 60 hours a week.
We budget carefully to be able to pay my childs medical expences. We sacrifice a lot of things. But I will be there for my child no matter what his Father does or does not do.
Like I said previously, if anyone has any advice on getting Dad held accountable for his childs expences it will be greatly appreciated.
"Carrie, I appreciate all the advice. I guess I should have better explained my situation. The order is that my child receive a total of 210 per month. My Ex hasn't paid in 3 years (aside from his intercepted tax return) My child has a dissability and I cannot work... someone has to care for him. I do understand the laws but it does not seem right that my husband (my childs stepfather) is paying everything, including insurance, medication and medical bills. Meanwhile my Ex is doing all he can to keep from paying anything while driving a lexus. I cannot afford an attorney to do something about it because we are budgeted on 1 income. The 1 court date we did have he hired an attorney to get out of having to pay a "purge" payment. Spent money on a lawyer to keep from supporting his child. My childs medical costs run around 10,000 per year. I guess the reason I broke it down is because I don't think under 7 dollars a day even times 2 is enough to feed and clothe any child adequately.
My Ex does have visitation with our child so I cannot understand his lack of responsibility.
If you have any further advice it will be greatly appreciated."
Melinda, if your former spouse is not paying the full amount of his child support obligations on time and in full each month, then you do have recourse. Most states have a statewide Child Support Enforcement Agency (or CSEA). This is sometimes attached to your state's Social Services or Child Protective Services agency. I do not know where you reside, but if you would share your state of residency, I would be happy to provide you with the name of the agency and the contact information to get you started. CSEA's only goal is to track down non-custodial parents who skip out on their child support obligations and force them to pay. In most states, CSEA can garnish wages, intercept tax returns (as I see you've already done), seize assets, and even impose liens against real property to recover overdue support payments. Some states also allow CSEA to suspend your former spouse's driver's license and professional licenses until the total amount of arrears is paid back to you in full. CSEA advocates for custodial parents and minor child for free, so there is no cost to you for using their services.
In the event you live in a state that does not operate an enforcement agency, or your state CSEA just isn't doing enough, you can also petition the court to enforce the Order for Child Support already in place, and you can do this on your own without, an attorney. Though the process differs from state to state, it is fairly similar for most. Draft and file a Motion to Enforce Child Support; the clerk of your county family court may have the necessary forms available, just contact or visit the courthouse for the documents. Complete these forms with your information, your child's information and your former spouse's information, and attach a copy of the original Order for Child Support (you can contact the clerk of the family court where the order was filed, if you no longer have a copy). Make a copy of your completed motion before filing, and keep this for your personal records. Then, file the original motion, along with a copy of the original child support order, with the clerk of the family court. You will need to pay a nominal filing fee -- typically, between $20 and $50 -- at the time of filing. If you can show you are unable to afford the filing fee, you can also ask the court clerk for information on how to obtain a fee waiver, which absolves you of the costs of filing and allows you to file for free.
Both you and your former spouse will need to attend a hearing in front of the judge, where you will both have an opportunity to speak. You should bring along your copy of the motion and original support order; proof of the payments your former spouse has made, including the intercepted tax returns; and any other proof you have that demonstrates your former spouse hasn't paid you, such as your bank account statements for the last three years. Bring along two extra copies of all of your evidence -- one to provide the judge, one to provide your former spouse. You can redact your sensitive information, like your bank account number and your Social Security number, if you would like to protect your privacy, but be sure to provide the judge unredacted copies of these documents.
If the judge determines your former spouse is indeed ignoring his support obligations, he can do any number of things to enforce the current order, including garnishing your former spouse's wages, suspending his driver's license, and so on. You can continue bringing your former spouse back to court if he continues to ignore the support order even after enforcement, and the judge can put your former spouse in jail for contempt until he catches up on his obligations. It does take some effort on your part, which isn't fair, but you must be persistent to protect you (and, more importantly, your child's) interests.
Remember, child support is a debt your former spouse will always owe, even after your child reaches the age of majority and your former spouse is no longer required to pay. You can continue pursuing your former spouse for the debt that he owes to you, and you can even sue his estate upon his death if he is still in arrears at that time.
Carrie,
Thank you for the valuable advice.
I live in TN. My ex lives in another state. I have just in the past few weeks received the order giving TN CEJ of our case and we are finally in touch with the local child support enforcement office.
My ex has been selfemployed for years so garnishment was difficult. With the economy as it is my ex started a job just this week, so I'm hoping that changes. We were having difficulty enforcing across state lines. With this new order I feel we are headed in the right direction.
Again, I thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Melinda
my husband has 1 child from his first marriage. two years ago he lost his job but still kept up with support payment via unemployment. after paying support we are left with 952.00 to live off how is this fair I work part time we have no medical coverage and I am unable to pay for my own life sustaining medication. while she has coverage for herself and their son has state coverage?
Carrie, when calculating child support, does the courts take in consideration if the father has other children to support?
"Carrie, when calculating child support, does the courts take in consideration if the father has other children to support?"
Candace, this explicitly depends on your state of residency and, if your former spouse lives in a different state, his state of residency. In some states, such as Ohio, the courts do consider the non-custodial parent's other children -- separate from yours -- when calculating child support. If your former spouse is already paying the maximum percentage permitted by law towards his support obligations for his children with you, this could mean your support payments will be reduced. However, this doesn't happen automatically -- once your former spouse hacks out his child support obligations for his other child, he'll then have to file a petition to modify the child support order you have in place for your children for his payments to be reduced. You'll have an opportunity to answer his petition and attend the hearing, so you can voice your dissent at this time. Just keep in mind that if your former spouse can show that by paying both obligations, he'll dip below the poverty level (defined by your state, not by federal guidelines), there really isn't much you can do.
Some states do not consider other child support obligations, though -- New Jersey, for example, will not reduce an existing child support order simply because the non-custodial parent now has more children to support.
Of course, I'm answering this question as if your former spouse has other children and is undergoing a divorce or breakup with a new spouse or partner -- if your ex simply procreated with the new woman in his life, and the new woman isn't smart enough to leave him yet, then no, he can't ask the court to reduce his child support obligations to your children just because he's building a new family. His obligations to his children with you will always supersede his obligations to his "new" family, no matter how many more children he has, unless the mother of those children pursues him for child support. Now that doesn't mean he won't try, but if he's threatening to, remind yourself that he's talking out of his you-know-what. If he actually does file asking for a reduction, make sure you file a formal response with the court immediately and go to the hearing to defend yourself. Otherwise, he could win by default because you failed to answer.
Good luck!
my mom gets child support on me an i dnt expect her to give me the money every month like sh ethinks but wen i ask abt if she got the money for wat ever month it is, she yells at me an says its non of my bissness cuz its not mine. wen i ask her for somethN she tells me she cant get it cuz she dnt have the money, wen i ask abt the child support, she says that its not mine so i shudnt be worried abt wat she does with it. i asked her if she cud not spend the money for the month of november cuz i needed pants an so we can get christmas presants out the way. she kept tellN me that he never paid this month so i cudnt get pants but just the other day she got mad cuz she had to put the last $19 in the gas tank to take me to my uncles for thanksgieN. my mom lives off her bf an she dnt gotta pay no bills at all, she stays home all day an i jus dnt understand where its all goN. she even baught a $400 laptop with the money. this article is talkN abt the ppl who has to pay it, but i wanna know abt wen the parent abuses the child support money for things un-needed.
I appreciate your honest outlook on the situation as a whole, but consider the role of the NCP. Is it really our DUTY to pay for the housing of our ex-spouse? Do they not have their OWN duty to provide for themselves and our children? You make it sound as if it is the sole duty of the NCP to provide for the children. I can tell you right now that it NEVER took 2 times what I pay in child support to pay for raising my children (including additional costs for housing/transportation because of having children) when we were married. Simply; child support is negatively biased against the NCP. Yes, as the NCP we should provide what we can for our children, but in a state such as Illinois we are MANDATED to provide excessively. We have no rights to earn more and make our own decisions as to how much additional "support" we give to our children. We do not have the right to provide or deny provision of "extras" such as more expensive clothing, entertainment, etc. If we were still in a marriage, we would have every right to make decisions as to the distribution of our additional funds. But in Illinois, we cannot make those decisions. We are forced to hand over a percentage of any and ALL income we receive. (Oh, and btw, most lawyers in Illinois write up parenting agreements to include some of the items you consider to be covered under CS as separate expenses to be payed by the NCP; so we get hit twice for the same expenses!) (And don't forget, in addition to our child support, we have to pay for our OWN expenses related to the children, such as shelter, food, etc., while we have our visitation and weekend time. So in reality, according to your math, as an NCP with 2 days visitation each week and every other weekend, we are paying for only 1/2 of the support away from the CP, or 1/4 of the total cost to raise, which would mean it costs 4 times the support payments to raise the children. That's 112% of my income! That does not add up. The true reality is, not that it costs that much, but we NCPs are ordered to pay for 100% of the costs away from our household. Sorry for the long digressions, train of thought.) If we were still married, that additional income may never reach the children directly; it may be used to pay off debt or upgrade a car. But as the money is divided between two households now, those possibilities are out of the question. And in a state like Illinois, as a male NCP, I have little to no rights petition to be the Custodial Parent (as I would wish to be). Left to the letter of the law, I cannot become the CP unless I can prove EXTREME and DIRE circumstances that are endangering my children in very extreme ways; even though my ability to provide for them is EXTREMELY greater and more stable than my ex-spouse.
You see, if the role of Child Support is TRULY to take into interest the best well-being of the children, then the laws would allow two things. First, they would allow the parents to make good decisions ON THEIR OWN as to the level of quality of life. Just like in a free market, if we are left to make these decisions we will make good ones. CS should be set at a level of acceptance (above poverty, but certainly well below where it ends up in states like Illinois). At that point each parent can make decisions to provide whatever extras they feel are fit to be provided (and btw, yes, I do not have cable or go out to the movies, I just don't feel the expense is worth it and so I raise my children that way...do I get a credit on my CS now? Just kidding ;-) Besides, I really can't afford it with the level of support I am forced to provide.) Second, the courts would look more broadly at the conditions for petitions for custodianship instead of blindly leaning 90% to the side of the mother. There are MANY MANY dads out here who would give their right arm and leg to be able to be custodial to their children, but the law is not concerned with their ability to provide nor the real needs of the children. Blind adherence to an old and primitive bias is not good for any parties involved; especially the children. I have NO problems paying child support in any way shape or form. I do I have a problem with being shut up in a "jail" of mandates that do not allow me to make my own decisions for myself or my children. My 2 cents. (btw, very good article :-)
To: me
Me, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and I feel your frustration. That is the WORST part about child support; the Non-Custodial Parent is REQUIRED to provide money to support the children, but the Custodial parent is not required in ANY WAY to provide for the children. The NCP is required by law to provide evidence that they are providing what was ordered (and most of the time having the provisions deducted directly from their paychecks) but the CP is NOT required to provide any evidence of the same. It is a very sad state of affairs that the system in place "claims" to be for one purpose, but in reality, as evidenced by the actual laws/rules set in place, is designed for another purpose. The REAL purpose of child support is two fold. One, to extract money from the NCP primarily in cases where the NCP would not ordinarily offer up voluntarily ANY support for their children; i.e. Dead Beat Dads. Thus, ALL cases are treated as if this were the case. The second purpose for child support is related to the first; to ASSUME that moms should take care of kids and dads should not, and to require dads (who are assumed to not want to take care of kids, as per reason #1) to support their kids and to ASSUME that moms WILL. The sad sad reality is that a GREAT MAJORITY of moms DO NOT do what is right by their children and in fact use their child support money for their own needs, and in many cases, abuse it as a primary source of their own income to support themselves. Children go hungry, children go unclothed, etc, etc. Contrary to the rationale set forth by the author of this article, child support money, in most cases, DOES NOT go for or get used for the purposes she claims them to be used for, and in those cases, even though the NCP is paying the support, it is assumed that the NCP should provide for those unmet needs IN ADDITION to the government mandated support they already provide.
Thank you "me" for bringing up this point: the role of child support to counter the notion of the "dead beat dad" has in fact created the environment of the "dead beat mom". It sounds like your mom assumes that NONE of the responsibility for taking care of you is on her shoulders, and that the child support is supposed to cover 100% of the expenses (or less than that, but that she should not be responsible for anything). Being the Custodial parent is not a God given right NOR a burden; it is a privilege and an honor! Our children are the most important thing in our lives! If the custodial parent wants to treat the PRIVILEGE as a curse, then for God's sake, LET THE NCP TAKE OVER THE JOB!!! (at least those of us who DO want the job) Due to the blind nature of the child support system and it's laws, things such as raised by you, "me", will continue to go on until the end of time. Good luck to you "me", and I hope you see the true nature of your mother's comments.
I pay child support to my exhusband. he has 60% i have 40% of our two boys. He hasn't worked in over 2years and now is seeking cash aid(Welfare), in doing so the county childsupport agency is now involved wanting to take me to court for more $.Would i have a chance of winning if i try and go for full custody of my boys in their best interest with no support to me?
My husband had 3 children from previous relationships. We have custody of one of the children and one of the other one live with us full time. My husband lost his job a year and a half ago. Was out of work for 6 months then got another one. Before they started taking child support out of his paycheck he received court papers stating that he was going to have to pay a purge. Court is still going on almost a year later. He pays 800 a month in child support for 2 children one of who lives in our home and has been paying that for almost a year and now the courts still want a 600 dollar purge amount. We can't afford that at all we are losing our home can't feed the kids who do live here and never have anything extra. So how can they justify making him pay this purge or go to jail. If he goes to jail he is going to lose his job and not continue to pay his current order. What do we do??
Non-custodial parents frequently withhold child support because they do not agree with the custodial parent allocates the funds. Non-custodial parents with control issues (generally fathers) sometimes suggest that a fund be established to which payments are made for the child to receive upon reaching adulthood. The author of this hub correctly observes that child support is intended for numerous different needs, most of which are present needs. In some states the custodial parent is afforded great discretion in determining how the support funds should be spent. It would be impractical and overly burdensome to expect a single parent to account for and justify every expenditure.
Carrie,
I agree with your article. I think that my ex-wife does not. She seems to treat my child support as 'alimony in disguise,' and declares that in addition to, and above and beyond my child support, that I should ALSO be paying for all school supplies and clothes, all medical expenses and insurance, all summer activities and camps, and her cell phone costs (I'm happy to do the phone,to communicate with my daughter, and her cell phone is paid for on my phone plan), but my ex acts as 'gatekeeper,' using the cell phone for her needs with my daughter, and restricting her ability to talk to me on it. She also has always required that I pay all the expenses associated with visitation. Respectfully, I do live in another state, but pay to fly my daughter here monthly (sometimes as often as twice per month).
For these visits, she sends my daughter with nothing... wearing dirty, worn out clothing, knowing that I will buy more clothes for my daughter during her stay. I have paid for half of my daughters expenses for braces (while my ex pays the other half from the child support I pay her). When our child support was ordered, I was earning twice the income that I earn now. I have not been granted a review of the child support, (as I live in another state, the state I live in collects the child support and pays it to the state my ex lives in. Problem: My state says the other state has jurisdiction on review, the other state says that my state should handle it). At the time of establishing the support order, my ex only declared one of her three sources of income when child support was determined (each of those sources of income has grown since our separation 6 years ago, and she is also remarried to a man who earns a very comfortable income. Meanwhile, my current wife and baby drive an old car, live in modest housing, and are sometimes so tight on money we can barely make the rent (much less cable TV, and the other 'luxuries' you mentioned). I still pay nearly $1000 per month in child support (while my income is currently about $42,000 per year)... and my ex wife insists that in addition to child support, all the other expenses I have mentioned should be paid by me.
I haven't been able to buy my current wife new clothes in over a year, while my ex cries 'poor mouth,' meanwhile she always has finely professionally pedicured nails, new clothes, fine cars, etc. Then, when my 13 yr old daughter needs so much as a new 'pencil' for school, I am expected to pay for that above and beyond the child support I'm already paying. If I miss one child support payment (in MA, my state), they will take away my drivers license and through me in jail.
I must admit that I'm sometimes bothered by the pervasive notion that non-custodial parents (especially Dad's), are inconsiderate and uninformed at best, and deadbeats at worst.
In my situation, I actually feel like my current wife (and brand new baby) are struggling and left 'wanting' because my ex-wife believes that child support covers none of the things you mentioned, but I am still expected to pay for all camps, visits, school supplies, medical expenses, cell phone (which she gets most of the use), extra-curricular school activities, and also get forced to by additional clothes because she sends my daughter on visits with nothing. Meanwhile... she tells my daughter that I'm a deadbeat.
How about giving those of us who are trying a fair shake. I agree with what you said about the items child support should cover. My ex-wife (and her attorney) would actually disagree, and say that my child support only covers basic essentials, and that every need beyond food and housing should be paid out by me.
I welcome your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Not-Such-A-Deadbeat-Dad
My husband and I constantly have issues with his daughter custodial parent. My husband has a part time job and pays his ex $215 a month (the judge offered to lower it, only by about $22 but my husband agreed to keep it the same). His ex uses the support money how ever she wants. Like getting her nails done, going out, and trips to Chicago every other weekend. When it comes to food and housing she receives government assistance on top of her part time job that she has. The support money which is suppose to help provide for the childs education, clothes, utilities etc. is spent on herself. My husband doesn't want to see his daughter go without so he buys her all the things that she NEEDS like school clothes and supplies. Infact, the mother has a hard time keeping a job because she knows that my husband will do whatever he can to provide for their child. Like pay her electricity bill because she quit her job and it was going to get shut off. I totally understand him not wanting to see his daughter go without, but if he continues to "over" help her she is going to continue her same routine. This is causing a lot of strain on our marriage because it leave me to pick up all of our bills and support the 2 kids that we have together. She continues to use him and he in turn continues to use me. Any advice in this situation PLEASE!
Sincerely,
Frustrated step mother
I think your a little crazy, I have been on the both sides with child support. When was receiving it, i used it for what ever my daughter needed and put most of it in a savings account for her. And now that i am paying it my ex has a Harley and buys the $8 bottles of shampoo instead of the $2 bottles. And i don't feel the ex should go out and change the type of care she drives because now she receives support either. You should live with in your means.
i believe some people are looking at this situation the wrong way. just because a person gets child support does not mean that their entire income PLUS child support payments are spent on the child. of course they are going to need things for themselves also. Whilst I know there are alot of parents out there that do neglect their childs needs, there are also many who provide above and beyond what child support payments are supposed to cover. People that think they are paying money that is not going to their childrens needs really need to look at how much money they are providing and how far that money actually stretches when you look at the cost of living/schooling/clothing etc and then look at your child. is he/she clothed, fed, schooled and provided with medical needs?? if you answered yes then chances are the custodian is doing the right thing with the money regardless of her false nails or his new clothes.
I recieve $110 per week for my 2 children. My rent is $385 per week, I pay $210 in Therapy costs for my eldest daughter who has an autism spectrum disorder, $50 a fortnight in fuel, Plus educational needs/food/clothing/other medical costs, etc. I have the girls 13 days a fortnight. if you think this money comes even close to being HALF of the costs that I put out for my children you are mistaken.
My ex husband makes enough money to pay more than $400 a month child support I sent 275 to get out. Now hes gotten a raise and gets 3000 at xmas for bonuses. He had no bills.
He think $275 is to cover rent, food, medical, transportation, sports including gear for school, clothing, hygiene, toys etc EVERYTHING is not covered at 275 a month.
Is there a direct article that I can send him that shows what the money is for?
Our agreement verbally was 275 for now but he had to help with clothes and other essentials. He never buys him anything I was thinking now that I am not afraid and out of the house I should go back to court but I was trying to keep peace. Even my Alimony is 200 less than what hes suppose to pay and actually he got a raise so it would be more. I have tried to be nice about this but when he complained that his son had no clothes at his house I said to bad I buy his clothes and they arent going to your house only what I send over because you wont buy him any. Guess thats not right?
My husband and I are having many problems with his ex-wife constantly using the children as tools to extort money and property from my husband. They were divorced almost 10years ago and she was awarded the family house (in excess of $3.5mil) and was awarded massive spousal support payments which have now ceased and is now just child support. Since all of this his ex-wife moved into another of my husbands properties under the pretence that she woul look after the children whist at school abroad. Since then my husband has been paying all the childrens and ex's expenses including house staff (as she is a regular at nightclubs and doesnt really take care of the children), domestic bills (all named above in this article) her personal cell phone bills (sometimes in excess of $1000 per month!!!) He pays for her fuel & all car expenses. Pays ALL of the school fees and acedemic equipment and school trips. He also pays for their first class airfare back and forth to the USA 3 times a year more to this he pays for them (the kids and ex) to go vacations in the summer. Ontop of this he buys clothes, electronic equipment and everything you can possibly imagine. And for the last 3 years the youngest child has been predomintly under our care and not the mothers thus she does not incur a dime of expense (not that she does with her other child either). However after all of this she demands that she get the child support (for herself) as well as my husband continuing to support the children as he has been doing so far. What is your advise? Can my husband stop paying child support to the mother?
the people who are wondering about HOW the child support is being spent, its not really your concern at all.
none of it.
Look up Judge Judy's vid on youtube "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS"
i like it.
Do over the counter household medications qualify for reimbursement as uncovered medical expenses as it states in most standard orders. My ex-wife has requested reimbursement of household meds by sending me text pictures of the medications on the store shelf above the price tag. She states she doesn't get receipts and can't provide proof of her purchases.
My fiance has been divorced for 2 years. He ended up getting the short end of the stick with the deal... His ex seems to have every right in the world and can do whatever she wants, while he gets stuck with all of the bills and such. Just a quick background... She is unemployed. Refuses to get a job that would be "below" her. He pays the standard Illinois CS of 20% of his net income, plus 20% of any bonus that he worked hard for (and for which she did nothing for). In addition, he has to pay 60% of the other expenses. He is responsible for ALL travel for visitation. She got the house in the divorce, as well as her car. The stipulation was that she was to get both out of his name within 30 days. Because she isn't working, nobody in their right mind would give her a loan, so they both remained in his name until he had to file bankruptcy because she hasn't paid anything on the house, and barely anything for the car. Her mommy & daddy had to bail her out so they wouldn't repo the car... He had initially been paying HER for his portion of the expenses, but later found out that she wasn't paying the bills at all. This woman tries to get as much money out of him as possible. I could go on and on about all that she's done. We spoke to an attorney about credit defamation (his credit is in the toilet because of her not paying for things that she was supposed to take out of his name immediately, but of course, didn't), but the attorney said that we'd be "chasing bad money with good money". In other words, even though we have all of the proof that we need to show that she wronged him, since she's not employed, we'd be spending all of this money on the attorney and get nothing in return.
Anyway, we are considering getting married. However, we are now afraid that she will petition the court to get 20% of our COMBINED income. I would not put this past her... We would like to modify the decree and the joint parenting agreement, as we would like to move out of state. We have been more than fair, and would continue to pay "our" obligations. He (we) would love to be the custodial parent, but according to attornies in this area, it doesn't matter that she's unemployed and doesn't pay her bills, etc. It doesn't even matter that she's sleeping with several different men (so long as it's not in front of the child). It doesn't matter that they eat at least a meal a day at McDonalds, she does 1/2 of his homework for him, and the remainder of the nights are spent with him playing violent video games or watching tv. It especially doesn't matter that the child WANTS to live with us (he's not old enough to make that decision on his own). The only way that the courts would even look at a change in residential custody is if child protective services has been involved.
My questions:
Is a 60/40 split on expenses normal?
Can she go after my income once we're married?
Is there anything that he can do to go after her for the debt that he's had to accrue because of her?
Suggestion??
I have a very simply question that i would like answered... my step daughters dad (donor) is ordered to pay for medical insurance... ( ha that would be the day...) he keeps these low paying jobs to prevent having to get insurance... i love this child but the strain of paying all the hospital/ doctor bills out of my pocket is unnerving... all i ever get from child support is " he doesn't have insurance at a reasonable cost... cost is not an issue... i have 2 children of my own.. i pay out the nose so i know that bills are covered.. put the child on my insurance you say? good thought... my insurance uses the court order to prevent this... and oh i forgot.. she's not my real daughter.... this law system does not work for the honest people. it works for the dead beats ...
So if child support is being paid, Dose the resiver of it have to support the child at the others house? Meaning if the child need clothes at her dads does the mother ( who is getting child support) have to buy her clothes for his house as well? or should he be getting her what she needs and wants at his house????
Ok my child father is in the military and my son is on his health insurance should his father be entitled to add him to his dental plan as well
My husband has been trying to settle a child support w/ his ex. He does not have a car or house. We live pay check to pay check. First he paid extra money to his ex for her settlement (extra child support)..Later he figured that she cannot make her car payments to drive his son to the school. Therefore, we took over the car payments. My husband is considering to give the car title to the ex.
We also pay for his son's insurance.
Moreover, the ex does not want to pay for kid's visitations (she is responsible from those). Therefore, we pay all those too. The child support payment was suppose to be decreased as soon as the ex starts working. We heard she works but never declared that either.
The court is in Texas. We live in North Carolina and his son lives in Mississippi. I know it is complicated but we have no money and do our best to take care of his son.
My question is whether all those extra payments for his son's well being will be considered as child support?
my child is 11 and a half years old. I moved into a shelter when she was two and a half and was forced to receive welfare to pay for my shelter expenses. Once on they started requesting that my child father pay child support. Here is the thing she lives with me. I take care of her. I received welfare off and on from that time til now. Last year I worked and was still receiving the child support. Before I could claim her on my taxes (like i have done for the past few years) He claimed her on his taxes. When I ask him why he stated He takes care of her because they take the money out of his check every two weeks for child support. I told hoim you do not take care of her I do. and You should have claimed child support on your taxes instead of the physical child.
Am I right? Can he claim child support on his taxes? Can he claim my child because his checks are docked for the child support payments?
Im aware that I will have to send doctor letters and school letters, along with my lease to IRS to prove she not only lives with me but I am her custodial parent.
please help me
What should I do if I pay $900 a month for my kids,but they really live with there grandmother,her mother.and she only gives her $400 a month.I still pay fo my kids clothes and activities.she's never even with my kids???????????
My husband is still staying with us but we seperated. He only pay the rent,doesn't give money for food, electricity,petrol clothes or any other needs of the kids. Can I file for maintance
I have a partner who had a child when we first got together, her father had died in a car accident.
i have 3 children that live with my ex.
My new partner and I have two kids together now.
what I am wandering is my step daghter doesnt have he rfather paying child support becuase he is deceased however child support doesnt take this into calculatoin as I am the one supporting her and myparnter is a full time mum with the two babies, so is not able to work at this time. Where does that leave my stepdaughter? it seems as though she has just been over looked. I have no problem paying child support for my kids but I do believ child support needs to look at all situatoins. They keep saying your kids deserve a equality of life, but wheres my stepdaughters equality of life?
My sons mom refuses to pay any child support on the grounds that she can't afford to pay for monthly visits with him. She also uses the fact that she does not agree with the judges decision since it is a Texas jurisdiction and she lives in California. She has tried and failed to move the jurisdiction on a few occasions. I do not keep our child from her, I actually moved closer to make it easier for her to see our child. I have filed for child support in California, but she has reduced her workin hours to 20hrs a week as to pay less for child support. I cover all his costs of living, even when she does visit it's always I need this or that, can I have money for this. I love our child but his dead beat mom is making it hard to stay close to her. I could easily move back to Texas, but fear she will no visit with our child due to her lack of financial security. I feel I should go back to court and go for 100 custody and use her lack I financial security as a reason.
child support covers everything. Come on!!! I pay suuport, and my wife recieves support from her ex. support is expected to cover too much. I cover health insurance for my children and my stepson. He pays support for one child and expects that covers co-pays and so-on. I pay support, health insurance, and my ex has never payed a co-pay ever. The court allows this to continue. The law applies to some but not everyone. With all I pay I sure as shootin', can not pay for a lawyer.
We live in Ireland, my son is now 9 years old and we have never seen a penny of support from his father, He goes to stay with him most weekends.Are we entitled to some sort of support? He claims he has a bank account for him but we have never seen any evidence of this and its no good to me lying in the bank. I am really struggling these days and really need him to step up, how can i go about it? Help somebody..
Is my husband responsible for covering half on non-essential items? We gladly contribute to half the medical, dental, eye, etc., but the ex is expressing that we are responsible for paying half on a very expensive pair of sports glasses (This will the the child's second pair. She claims he needs a pair for soccer and another pair for baseball). The child is 7. I don't feel like this is necessary, but are we obligated to pay half?
Wow, another article to empower fat lazy women to put their hand out and ask for more money.
Your article essentially says that the non custodial parent is responsible for EVERYTHING!
Entertainment? I pay for my child to enjoy fun activities while in my care. Going to the movies, zoo, museum, shows, plays...etc. Does that mean that the custodial parent should pay me half?
A 5 year old shouldnt be watching that much tv. So...according to you.........I should pay half of my exs entertainment costs.
I also use my gas and insurance. Should I be paid for half of that as well?
Its articles like these, that give my childs mother the "right" to get her nails did weekly, buy a laptop, near Coach purse etc, etc.
Meanwhile, despite making nearly $20k more than her I am stuck living in a studio apartment, living week to week.
Screw you and your one sided BS.
My ex husband refuses to take our kids to their extracurricular activities on his weekends. I often have to keep the kids through most of the weekend so they won't miss games and then he makes me take them to his house or near his home to meet. Are there any laws that state that he has to continue their activities during his visitation?
My husband is required to pay half of day care and he gets it automatically taken out of his check with child support. Their child has not gone to daycare since she was 3 and he has conintued to pay it and we made her go to preschool and full time kindergarten to balance that cost and now that kindergarten is coming to an end and she will not have to pay for school is there a way to get that removed from her child support since she won't be going to daycare ever again?
what if she is married and her husband pays the mortgage and utilities
In my situation we share legal custody and I have primary residential custody.(I have our son 60% of the time.) My ex-husband pays child support and claims I am supposed to pay for everything out of it, including food for sack lunch on days he has custody of our son. I understand a noncustodial parent paying support and expecting not to have to contribute more, but that's not our situation; my ex has residential custody 40% of the time, so isn't he responsible for providing things for our son at those times (incl.a sack lunch)?
I pay 400 month for cs. He earns 40k a year more than. I do. I cant afford aa one bed apt. He has not produced his income taxes to court. Guess court over looks due to his job. I finallygot money to hire atty. Im going for mod, if I can have it stopped. It would help me and my kids to get to spend more over nights together. I buy lots for them. But money is little! I pay 700 month for our health ins. Do u think I have good ,chance.
Sad but true. This article is clearly a women who wrote it. I am a proud dad of four children, and even thou I was not able to keep my relationship with their mother I have a great relationship with my children. The child support guidelines are for the parent who receives money to pay for the child's needs and not for the parent. I receive child support from my ex, and ALL OF IT GOES to my children. Actually there is more and more DAD who are fighting back to caring for their children these days and less MOTHERS who are choosing the easy life. Women who sound like this person in this article, do the right think and don't sound like this person. Be a parent and think of yourself as the other HALF. Remember you married as one and now you are two. The children are still one to both of you.
I say this to all parents men and women, fight for your children ONLY, NOT FOR YOUR SELFISH NEEDS.
So what is the most money u can get if the father doesn't have a job?
My Chilean father owns his own beesnes, but it's not on his name. What can I do so he can pay chile sport for his three kids??
Is health insurance included with the monthly child support or is this separate?
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Why DOES the mother always get the child and the father has to pay. She was the one sleeping around and tore our family apart, but I only get my little girl every other weekend and a couple hours once during the week! I love my little girl and would do anything for her! But I'm the one that has the better bond with her. Who do these people think they are telling me how often I'm allowed to see MY child! They don't know us we are just another case to them. I've paid thousands on layers to see my daughter more and what happened the answer is no and I get my child support raised by the mother for trying to get my little girl more. How would the courts feel if I took there children away and told them how often and when they could see them. And they wonder why some people do the things they do!
By the way that last sentence was not ment to sound the way it did. What I ment was good dads stop fighting for more time and loose and miss out on raising their child.
Befuddled.....I love you, GREAT comment! We pay child support to my husbands lazy, greedy ex. We have 60(her) 40 custody and don't get compensation for our financial givings to the kids.
Child support should cover the basic needs such as food and clothes on their back. In most cases the amount set by the states are designed to cover well above those basic needs and the custodial parent can use the remainder for whatever they want.
One beef I have is that a custodial parent will say that they need to provide a roof over the child's head. Well, so does the non-custodial parent for when the child comes to visit. Only difference is less food eaten and the non-custodial parent shouldn't need to keep clothes at their house because they already bought the child clothes through CS.
So in my view, the "roof over the child's head" is kind of a load of bunk. I have to provide tha same roof and a room at my place as well.
dats bullshit. she need to get off her ass and get a job too. childsupport make them bitchs lazy
Ok my ex pays the minium childsupport, my daughter has a large othadontic bill is it fair to ask her father to help out with extra cost?
All the women who play victim, showing your own children how to be weak, watching the children suffer for selfih reasons, riding the court system, holding innocent loving fathers hostage during their one life (takes two to tango), letting the best years of your childrens life be cluttered with comments and negativity that does not belong in their ears, poisoning innocent kids with the depression that rots your soul for the ill personal choice of sticking the sword deeper into your ex's heart, using the system and low budget attys just to get 30-200 dollar increases....knowing darn well that the kids won't see it and the benefit of coming out of pocket for the hideous amount, though you have built up atty fees that are higher than the amount you won....quit working for 2 years with an 18 year old and 15....drained unemployment, 300 pound kid, broken court orders.....why does the system allow this, i cannot shake this fat ass ho off my husbands jock. poor choice, divorce is not a slap in your ex hubbys face move, it only hurt the kids..take the ghetto nails off, get off the couch, make some coffee and shower off your stank HO!!! go to work, it has been 3 years of trying to claim "I cannot find a job", well why the Fuc?!@%$? would you if you make 4300 off our hard work in California, lus 1000 in alimony that is not considered income! I raised my kid alone, and she is strong and successful because of it, I love her thats why and actions speak louder than words ...lazy women!! We found that we can ask the court to look at the fat ass Hos contributions to her household financially, dad did not make kids alone, never tried shady things like decreasing his hours and has not seen his oldest for over 2 years because moms games and need to stick him in the heart....though she filed for divorce. Quit the high school games and be educated!!! I am enlightened to see women who actually do work and parent. we have a prediabetic child, high insulin, glucose, chloresterol and the Cifornia court doesnt care in Contra Costa County.
I lost my job a couple of years ago and my children had to sacrifice cable, cell phones, extracurricular activities, sports, vacation and much more. My wife and I struggled for years to get back on our feet. So how would it have been if the same thing happened but I was instead divorced with support obligations. I guarantee only one side of this equation would have had to sacrifice their standard of living.
My husbands child is going to his grandparents for three months, I'm wondering if my husband has to pay child support to his x or to his grandparents? I mean, the child will be at his grandparents all summer, he want to help them while his son is there but we can't afford him to pay child support to her and also support them. He pay her $1400 a month. Anyone know if he can do something about that?
Ann - Family Law Advisor 21 months ago
I do think that the law must be more versatile in terms of monetary aid. I have seen lots of families experiencing the financial catastrophe and they simply can't supply what they used to provide their children. If you can justify in court that you are seeking to provide as much as you are able to for your kids then that should be responsible enough.